The Gift was in the Mail?

Sure looks new for a
 55 year old smoker !)

Having dealt with repair people that tell me that "the part is in the mail" I do know how that works. Only last week we were waiting on that mysterious part for our refrigerator.

I suppose that is where I got the idea for my husbands Father's Day gift. See, almost 55 years ago I promised him a smoker...a real honest to goodness, big smoker for meat and other stuff. Then life happened and I forgot about the smoker...sorta. Honestly, my conscience has bothered me a little ever since.

So when our grandson turned up with one, I knew the game was on. I could not have our grandson with a smoker and my disappointed husband without. My husband agreed.

As soon as we arrived home from our dinner with that child, my husband was on the internet shopping. Next thing we both knew, the smoker was ordered, delivered and in  the garage...in 100 pieces.

There were no complaints about the assembly required and just 10 days later, we are putting salmon in the smoker along with some potatoes. (Have you ever tasted smoked potato salad? Yum)

The gift has finally arrive! I feel better now.

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Are you Ready to Stop Working?

Do those of you think that retiring at 45 would be a dream come true? How would you manage that financially until you died? Would you be happy, active, learning all of that time? Would you be bored? Would you find fulfillment?

I have been thinking about people that I have known that retired very young. The pattern I have seen is that those people sell everything they own and buy a home on wheels. Their plan is to live like a gypsy for the rest of their lives. They are seeking a simpler life.

We parked in our motor home next to a couple in Palm Springs that were doing just that. Their RV was beautiful and we could see them dancing in their living space while we were eating dinner. They had quit their jobs and sold their home so they could chase the dream. They were in their 40's.

That couple had only been living their dream life for a few months. I often wonder where they are now and what they are doing.

It really is all about the money. Those that stop working early live with their choices for the remainder of their lives. Can they stay in the happy place forever? I don't know. (See: 7 Stages of Retirement Grief)

I do see things differently from my vantage point nearer the end of the journey. I have observed that:

• Filling days, 24/7, with no direction can be hard.
• Children can think you are older than you are. Being treated like you are old is not good.
• Children do not necessarily want you to move next door.
• Baby grandchildren grow up and no baby sitter is needed anymore.
• Living in a small space is a reality when you give up your income without a plan.
• Humans are living a very long time. It may not be forever but it may seem that way.
• If you don't have good insurance, disaster is waiting to happen.

I smile now as I recall what retiring at 55 for me and 59 for my husband entailed. (It seemed very young back in 1997.) It has been 21 years since our employer sent us off into the world without a job. It has not always been easy and we were financially sound. Are we typical? I don't know. 

We have not finished yet. There is more to come and how it all works out is an unknown.

Would we have retired at a younger age? I am not sure. It takes a creative person to find fulfillment. I suppose that is what it is all about really. Working at something that gives you only joy is the dream. Because work we must, even if it is not for money. 

Would you stop working today if you could? How little can you live on? Are you delaying dreams even if you are retired and why? 

Let me know what you think. Oh and stay tuned! :)

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It's All About the Girls!

It's all about the girls this week. Babies, mamas, grandmas, great-grandmas and granddaughter.

Addie Jo is a character but then, that is expected.

Daughter (Auntie) Grandma Susan and Great-grandma Barbara.
Susan is the grandma to all our babies
when my husband and I are in the desert...hence Auntie Grandma Susan.

My granddaughter on her 21st birthday...she is so pretty and don't you just
love her glasses?

Mikaela is the baby-mama! Lucky us!

This last Friday my two great-granddaughter met each
other for the first time. Embrey is 18 mo. and Addie is 4. Alysia is Embrey's mom and the angel in our family!

Have a wonderful day!

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Summer Reads...English Mysteries and More

I have just returned from our snowbird winter and I brought a list of books that I read this winter for you to consider. The links here are from Amazon only because I have a selfish motivation...I am an Amazon Associate! 

Each one is unique. Some are deep and challenging, others just plain fun. 

• The Woman in Blue by Elly Griffiths was a lot of fun to read. A cat, a Druid, a mental institution and a religious story surround a murder that takes place in England’s Nazareth, the medieval town of Little Walsingham. I loved this little light bit of reading. I think you will too.

• Susan Hill is not a writer of fluff. The Simon Serrailler series begins with The Various Haunts of Men. I actually held my breath as the climax to this story unfolded. Amazon say it was a "must read mystery" when it came out in hard back. Now, you can buy it in paper back. That is a good thing. I checked my copy out from the library.

• Dancing in a Distant Place by Isla Dewar is the book I read when we were on the flight home...a 12 hour journey with cancelled flights and delays. I didn't even notice how long it took. This book about a widowed teacher left alone and broke by a gambling husband when he died suddenly. It swept me up in the first pages. The setting is in a remote village in the Scottish Highlands with a "dammit" store, a school and a cast of wonderful, believable character is just what the doctor is ordering. The humor sandwiched between a little sorrow was perfect. Read this for sure. Oh, and if you do read this book be sure to return to the first chapter when you have finished. You will not regret it.

• I am now reading A Gentleman in Moscow. You know I will talk about wonderful words and images when I tell you about a book. The author, Amor Towles, might be the master of creating an image in the mind's eye. I am seeing through his words things I have never seen before. This is a book I am savoring. No rush to read in one day...no, this book needs to last as I devour it very slowly!

I will keep you in the loop as a new wonderful book crosses my path. Our Library Exchange in my front yard is very busy these day so I am sure there are others that will be showing up.

What are you reading?

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On Spelling Correctly

I apologize in advance. This blog is not perfect. If you can help, do so but please send me a message or email (btorris@gmail.com). The comment section is not the right place for that sort of thing.

I posted a question on my Women of Midlife Facebook page the other day. It looked like this: 

Thirty-six (36) responses later I was scratching my head because I was surprised. Is that a good idea? Should you correct spelling in comments and (like the commenter that started it all did) even criticize the pictures? Maybe so and then again, maybe no.
The English teachers were adamant and felt "compelled" to point out a misspelled word. In a blog post spelling errors are just plain wrong and if you do that, you need to be corrected. 

Others took a gentler approach suggesting that, if it was a glaring mistake, you should send an email or a Facebook message. They thought it was rude to post a comment with a spelling correction suggestion. No one, not one single person, said it was to be expected and, because blogging is what it is, could be overlooked.

Oh my goodness, do I need to clean up my act or what? I do make a real effort to do the right thing with spelling/grammar but I know I cannot see my own mistakes for at least a week. I don't have a human to read my writing and no computer editor is that perfect.

So how does that change my blogging life? You know things will need to be straightened up around here.

So, I am inviting anyone that sees a spelling/grammatical error to send me a message on Facebook or by email. I think posting a comment with that information is rude. I may not want to hear it, even in an email, but it will make me a better writer i.e. I do not want to hear from you in that context. 

So...how many errors did you find?

And what do you think?

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Note: Errors in fact definitely need to be pointed out in an email or Facebook message. Getting the facts right is too important.

This post has been edited using Word!

21 Years Ago Today...

Elena at age 10 in Tombstone AZ

One of my grandchildren is turning 21 today...remember that day in your life?

I was at a party with family and all of my midlife friends. We were talking about turning 21 and almost everyone had a story to tell. On the day they turned 21 there were things that they did to mark the anniversary...parties with friends, beer, revelry! Wow, I thought. I have no memories of that day at all. What is that all about?

So today I am invited to go on a wine tasting tour with my grandchild, her mother and her sister-in-law. I feel like it is my birthday because that is what I would have chosen...life is good isn't it? I hope Elena is as happy as I am and I hope when she is old, she has wonderful memories of this day.

What a beautiful day.

Happy Birthday Elena!

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I Was Just Confused

Still Confused after All These Yeas

We are both over 75 or whatever that age is when you are automatically excused from Jury Duty. We take advantage of that age thing. It is only right that having lived a long time should have it's privileges...right? Then why do I feel guilty about not doing my "civic duty".

Meryl Baer over at Six Decades and Counting wrote a piece about doing her "duty" and what it takes to get out of or get into that pool of people that are called. She was called to serve on Grand Jury in her state and is now in a pool of about 100 people waiting to "do her duty".

The truth of the matter, I have never had to sit on a jury for over 40 years. But I still remember the one time experience. It was not good.

See I had always wanted to be more liberal than I am (as thought that is possible.) But when it came to imposing justice it turned out I was not liberal or conservative...I was just confused.

The man we were sitting in justice of was accused of a DUI. He admitted drinking during the day and at dinner but claimed to have "sobered up" enough to be a safe driver.

The policeman testified that he stopped the drunk man on the road and when he ask the man to step out of the car the suspected-drunk-man stepped in a puddle of water. That was the basis for judgment as to man's sobriety. There was no Breathalyzer tests back in those days.

I could not get it through my head. Was that man drunk? Well of course he was. I heard how much he had drunk. The thing that confused me was whether I should judge him drunk based on whether he had "stepped in a puddle" or how much alcohol he had consumed? Stepping in a puddle did not do it for me! I did not drink at all back then so I couldn't decided based on personal experience.

I honestly do not remember how the whole thing turned out. But the thing that hit me when I read Meryl's story was that the job still pays $5 a day. Honestly, the things we will do for the satisfaction of being a good citizen and bragging rights with a bonus of $5 a day!

Even today I would find it hard to judge whether someone was guilty or innocent...judging is something I am not good at. It just confuses me.

Have a wonderful day.

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Hot Damn...Grandma's and Grandpa Are Going on a Date

Found: One old article in my desk drawer. Did I publish this funny thing or not? The answer is yes and no. Yes it appeared on Generation Fabulous back in 2015 before that website became Women of Midlife. No it never appeared on this blog. Here it is.

My husband and I have been married for 53 (almost) year. I know things have changed a lot since we were teens but don't tell me that romance is not still alive...my husband and I are going on a date!

I have it on good authority that date night is suppose to help keep the passion in a marriage...well it is one of 100 suggestions, number 3 I think. I knew we could do number 3 so I didn't read any further.

I found out about this second hand on the Erma Bombeck Writer's Workshop website. Vikki Claflin wrote the article about date night and romance so she is the authority, not me. I am just going with the meme. But, I want you to keep in mind that I am probably 20 years older that Vikki so my date night probably does not look or sound like hers, not by a long shot.

When I told my husband about the importance of date night and the romance in our marriage, he was all over it."Well," he said, "I have a coupon." The economy of it all just carried me away on a cloud. The coupon was burning a hole in his pocket, my hair cut is fairly new and he is alway ready for a little romance if you know what I mean. I actually heard a little enthusiasm in his voice. Date night might happen!

While I was floating on the cloud of date night romance, I began thinking about how I could turn this into an opportunity to shop. There is a discount store very close by and on the way to almost every place we go. I didn't have a coupon but really, you can buy a dress or a skirt for $20 or less. I was feeling hopeful. Then, would you believe it, on the day we had our date night conversation my husband mentioned that he was driving out to do some errand. Just like that I was going shopping.

Before I knew it we were in the car. As we approached the store he pulled up to the curb, I opened the door and jumped out as he sped away. He called me on his cell phone immediately to let me know he would be back to get me in a less than half an hour. I must be a fast shopper because he was back in the parking lot in less than 30 minutes. I was ready to jump back into the car as he slowed down near the curb.

Picking a day to go out was harder though. We are a little older and we don't want to go out to eat when there is a crowd. Then there is that coupon that is only good between the hours of 4:00 and 6:30 pm excluding Saturday, Sunday and holidays.

We wouldn't want to go on Monday because, well, it Monday and the weekend can be pretty tiring. Besides, football season has begun so you know we need to stay at home on Monday nights.

Maybe we can go on Tuesday or Thursday. Wednesdays are probably out because my husband golfs with his friends on that day. Seems like we have something on Thursdays but I can't remember what it is right now.

And Friday night? Don't even think about it. Have you seen all those people out on Fridays laughing and talking loud? No, Friday would never do.

What was I talking about? Oh yes, romance and date night. I can vaguely remember dating my husband all those years ago. It seemed so easy and fun when we were young.

We went out on Saturday and danced. I wore a beautiful dress and my shoes always matched each other. My earrings were clip on and didn't even hurt for a while. There was curfew that I never obeyed and rules that I didn't fallow.

We never had a plan until we got in the car. That was when we would decide which dance to go to or even if we should catch a movie. I remember a lot of hugging and dissing. Boy, we knew what romance was back then! Best of all, coupons had not been invented yet. All we did was collect S&H Green Stamps and I don't remember getting any of those.

I am seeing that date night is a little harder than it was when we were young. Now there are those blasted coupon, foods we cannot eat and my body demands a curfew. Do you suppose I will have the energy to enjoy myself after actually setting the time and date, making a reservation ( do that sort of thing in our marriage) then dressing in special clothes that are not broken in?

Maybe I should get dressed in something a little old. I could save the new dress back for a funeral or something. We could go out on a date on the spur of the moment and drive down the road without a plan to see where life takes us. Yes that is sounding very good.

The 2 for 1 coupon never expires I see. I hear a local restaurant lets you have free pie on Wednesday! I could convince my husband that he is not so tired from golfing that we can't go out for free pie.

 If we don'''t want to eat both pieces, we could share one and take the other piece home in a to-go box. We could eat it the next night and I might even light a candle to make the left over pie a little more romantic. There is nothing like making the excitement (and the food) last for two days. I think next Wednesday might be our date night.

I'm sure the late Erma Bombeck and my blogging friend, Vikki Claflin would like that...one of them would have something witty to say, ask if we had taken our pills and send us on our way. "Hot damn, they're finally going on a date!" they would whisper.

Thank you Vikki Claflin for bring up "date night" and the quote, "Hot Damn, Mama's doing on a date". Date night is definitely on our radar once again.

And Erma Bombeck, God Bless you wherever you are.

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