OFF MY CHEST: Retire In Style has New Owners...and I am not happy!

FEELING A LITTLE PRICKLE

You may well know that I lost my domaine just before last Christmas. Now I see that a new blog has popped up with the name Retire in Style (blog). I have time today so I went over to see what they are all about...and I am not happy! I suppose I need to get over taking ownership in the blogs name and reputation.


Of course the main theme is financial which stands to reason. Retirement is all about how we are going to live on the money we make. Being responsible financially can make a whole lot of difference. That is fine. 

But then I see that, in an effort to appear less financial and more like a real person, the author is writing about "authoritative" parenting and school success. The gist of the whole thing is that parents that have rules and enforce them, are more likely to have successful children...it is much like being an "authoritarian" just nicer.

Sounds great and wonderful doesn't it? But here is the thing, children doing thing our way just because "we say so" only goes so far. Remember, I am an educator. There is a lot more to parenting and teaching than always being right!

Jim Fay and Charles Faye wrote a book called Teaching with Love & Logic: Taking Control of the Classroom back in 2000-ish. The latest version was published in 2016. Parents latched onto this book and it did make a difference in how children were raised. This author touted the idea that children react differently when what they do has a logical consequence. For example, if a child writes on the bathroom wall, they will spend a lot of time washing it off with hand soap (what is available). But it has to be done and the person that did it needs to take responsibility. (Amazon has a whole section on raising children that might be worth checking out.) 

However, if you ask a child why they did something, often they will not know. What they do sometimes just happens in a sequence of events that they cannot explain. Grounding them for a week may not be the best answer. The why can work both ways. Listening is the key and always will be.

This and many other strategies used by both parents and teachers is a far cry from the "do it because I said so" parenting style. Authoritative parenting is kinder than "authoritarian" but does not have the depth of understanding or even compassion required from either the parent or the teacher...better grades or not. 

So let me say, I for one will not be taking advice from a "Retirement Financial Advisor" on how to raise children. 

What do you think?

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ps: I might add that when I was a Grandmother care giver I was very authoritative. My grandchildren still have not forgiven me for that. Darn!

Can You Write Like ________(your favorite author)?

I now have a total of 5 books started...I love everyone of them. Team of Rival by Doris Kearns Goodwin, What the Dog Saw by Malcolm Gladwell,  The Know-it-all by A. J. Jacobs (hilarious, good airport book), My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry by Fredrick Blackman and The Handmaids Tale by Margaret Atwood.  Oh and I have one in Oregon called  The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey that doesn’t belong to me so I couldn’t travel with it.

Everyone of these books are unique and wonderful in their own way. As I was working around my house the other day I was thinking about the words and the way each author puts them together to make their story their very own. I have often wondered if I could write like, say, Ann Tyler or even Fredrick Blackman. (I know that Doris Kearns Goodwin and Malcolm Gladwell are out of me wheel house). But telling a different story, one that is about what you know...could any of us do the emulation that would be worthy of Tyler or Blackman?

Fredrick Blackman is that author that wrote a Man Called Ove and  my grandmother asked me to tell you she’s sorry. If you haven’t read anything by this author, I am sorry. He is the writer of the perfect story. You will read the book, tell everyone about it and then give it as a gift to a good friend or relative. It is that kind of book

As for Ann Tyler, she always tells about someone I am sure I know....backwards, forwards and upside down. I have read several of her books. My favorite right now is Earthly Possessions. If you cannot see the humor in the main character’s (Charlotte Emory) situation, you surely do not laugh at funerals like I do. This is what Ann Tylers web page had to say about the book:

Charlotte Emory has always lived a quiet, conventional life in Clarion, Maryland. She lives as simply as possible, and one day decides to simplify everything and leave her husband. Her last trip to the bank throws Charlotte's life into an entirely different direction when a restless young man in a nylon jacket takes her hostage during the robbery--and soon the two are heading south into an unknown future, and a most unexpected fate....

Now, the question is “If you read the first page or chapter for example, could you begin a book like it (but different)? Wouldn’t it be fun to try? I think so.

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The Art of Giving: Are you good at receiving gifts?

The last post was about the Fish Monger's Wife...not beautiful and never content with her lot. She is nagging continually because no matter what, her life is not perfect. It is very hard for her.

I suppose we are one of those is some small way. It is a hard lesson to learn, the one of being content with our lot in life. I for one am so very happy with my lot but discontentment can creep up on me in the night.

While preparing a lesson for a group I belonged to when I was a young woman, I learned the path to doing away with discontentment. It was one taught by Norman Vincent Peale. His push for positive living included prayer for those we are angry at and gifts for those that we from which we want gifts. By wishing good things for people we are discontented with we are gifted with happiness for ourselves.

So, that is where the Art of Giving comes into play. It seems to me that giving gifts returns much more to the giver than it does to the recipient. After all, it is a guess as to what people want isn't it. Haven't we all had a friend whisper in our ear about a gift they didn't want or need. The perfect gift can require the perfect receiver of the gift.

I was raised as an only child and my beautiful husband continues to spoil me to this very day. Day after tomorrow is his birthday and I would like to give him the perfect gift but he is not good at leaving clues about what that gift might be so I have no idea. I suppose he buys what he wants.

Today I bought him gifts...boxer shorts and some clothes. Perfect? Probably not but it made me happy to shop for him so there is that. I like to give gifts and it makes me happy.

How do you go about buying gifts? I hope you at least make yourself happy.

Have a wonderful day.

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