Thursday, March 24, 2022

The Games People Play...Literally

 Lets just get this out of the way right now...I cannot play games in life or on a playing field. I do not play cards or golf or even word games unless I am coerced into it. Oh you can coerce me but it will not make me happy.

Playing is entirely different...I love to play at golf or, back in the day, even tennis. Playing at something is just fun. Reality is suspended for a piece of time and a person can pretend to be good at something or other.

So the fascination with games and the people that play them both seriously and in life is interesting.

Take the game of golf for example. Golf is a sport where the word "cheating" some easily to people's lips. There are no "mistakes" or "misunderstandings". Certainly no second chances. But cheater is attached to those people who made a mistake or are new to the game and just don't understand how it goes. The tag will follow them around for a very long time. Don't play that game unless you are clear about what and what not to do.

The society of golfers is made up of some very conservative people that hate socialism. And yet, in spite of what they believe, the game they love is a socialist game. Everyone is equal and are rewarded for not being good with a "handicap", a number of points given as a gift. They play a game and then subtract the "bonus" points from their score so their score will be lower. Everyone gets a chance to succeed even if they have never succeeded at any game in their life.

This point system is calculated on what you score in the immediate weeks before competition and those real cheaters will play badly so the people that calculate how may bonus points they get will give them extra points so they will be equal with the people they compete against. Those people are called "sandbaggers" for reasons I cannot explain. That is why keeping score for those previous rounds is supposed to be witnessed. In this case, it is very hard the catch a cheater.

Plus, the way you win is by scoring the fewest points...unlike basketball or football, you win when you get a very low score. Odd huh?

People that are very good at the game hate the handicap (bonus point) system. Those golfers that get a lot of handicap points to subtract from their score really can and do win. That just irritates the heck out of a skilled player. It is as though the less skilled player has cheated. My late husband can home after every round talking about those  darn "high handicappers". 

Playing at golf is frowned upon by serious golfers. Picking up your ball before it is in the hole or dropping an extra ball to practice is taboo. Even when you are not competing. And if someone get mad at you for making a mistake, you will be in bad trouble out in the real world too. Trust me I know this for a fact...it has happened to me. You remember I am not capable of playing golf right...and believe me I have tried. Sigh.

But back to playing at the game. I love to "play" a round of pretend golf. My husband and I used to travel around our country and have stopped in a Nebraska cornfield hiding a golf course. We would play with alligators and under palm trees. We pushed our rental cart up hills in Mexico and laughed about our poor play. We played at the game of life each of every day. It was just simple good fun. 

In life, it seems to me that we have used the word "cheater" way too much. It is tossed around like a bean bag filled with nails. Having fun at Corn Hole or tennis or even golf is so important. Real life can be serious and is filled with important tasks. But a game...I don't think so.

And don't get me started on the game of football...2 inches to a first down when referees have been putting that ball down in the wrong place for 4 plays? Really!

Any thoughts?

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Monday, March 21, 2022

On Being a Snowbird in 2022 at 80!

My Back Patio View...Arizona

 The title probably give away too much...but then my life is an open book and has been since I started blogging 2006. The words have always been about ME: my thoughts, adventures and everything that I "think" I know. It has been a take it or leave it kind of blog but I still get hits on blogs about my lifestyle.

I have, during that time, spent over 25 years of retirement with a husband of 61 year. The changes have been remarkable I think. Travel, adventure, writing, moving houses, aging and now the loss of my spouse in December. A whole new stage has begun.

My life is NOT over in case you were worried. Everyone is so sympathetic and I understand that they know what they would feel at their age. But for those of us that have lived much longer that they ever expected, it is simply what it is. I saw it coming for quite a while but my husband put on such a good front that everyone else including my children were shocked at his death and experienced grief. That broke my heart as did my own personal loss. 

But, I am fine. So the question is, "Where do I go from here." We/I own a home in Oregon that I love...in the summer. We/I own a home in Arizona that I love in the winter. I live two different lives. But up until now I shared the responsibility of opening and closing each home when the season was right.

Oregon Back Yard

In Oregon I am surrounded by family. In Arizona I am not. I have a few friends that I need to reach out to but at this time I have not been able to make myself do that. I have been here since late January, most of that time it has been just me. Time was filled with sorting out what is left and, of course, assembling the papers so an accountant can do our taxes. It has only been a few days for me with really, really nothing pressing to do.

Now, I know what you are going to say...volunteer, get out and so forth. If only it were that easy. See I think you truly have to want to do those things or you will fall those you are suppose to help. And I don't, not now, maybe never.

So it is up to me to figure that out and Arizona is the perfect place to do that on my own personal terms. I read, exercise and visit with family frequently. I know the next step is there and I will take it when the time is right. Hopefully, a push will come from someplace.

In the mean time, I am going back to Oregon in early April.This house will go to sleep. My oldest son will help me and learn what that process looks like. There is a long list of projects here I have in mind. We will see what the future brings. I will be back here. I like the thought of continuing with a life I have loved so much.

Any thoughts? I am very interested.

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Older posts: Retirement...that's how it goes!



Saturday, March 19, 2022

Greeting Card Insults...or something like that!

I was at the grocery this last week searching for a greeting card for a friend that was turning 101...yes you heard me right, one hundred one years old! As I passed the first of the cards, my eyes went to a very cute pair of Tom's with a colorful cat design. "I love your shoes" came out of my mouth without thinking.

The lady that turned to me was beautiful. "Oh," she said, "my daughter buys them for me. I have several pairs."

The conversation had begun. I told her that I was buying for my 101 year old friend. She turned to look at me with puzzled eyes. "Well, I am 92." she said. She was not nearly as impressed as I thought she would be.

The exchange turned to all those things we talk about with strangers. Then it was time to leave and as I moved to go, she told me she was buying a card for her daughter-in-law. "I don't like her very much but oh well" she said.

Unfortunately, there was not a card for that sentiment:

I think I need to tell you...

I don't really like you.

 But

oh well

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 

ANYWAY


Golly, I love going to the grocery store.

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Sunday, March 6, 2022

Aging: Cooking for One

Our 61 wedding 
anniversary in November.

I have a picture of my family by my desk here in Arizona. I love it. My grandchildren were only beginning to be. It was our 50th wedding anniversary. My grandchildren still talk about that wonderful weekend. 

Time passes so quickly and our lives have changed as is only right.

We have gained so much during the last 11+ year. New spouses for our grown grandchildren, new grandchildren and now even great-grandchildren. College degrees have been earned. I am proud and gratitude doesn't even come close to explaining how fortunate we all are. 

Oh, we struggle to get it right...don't think everything is perfect. It isn't and yet, even on the worst of days, I felt grateful.

My husband passed away just before last Christmas. He had been ill a very short time so none of us had a change to brace ourselves for the shock. And yet, on that day we celebrated his life...yes, we were wounded...but still grateful. He was such a lovely man and we all loved him so much. As for me, my heart broke but strength came from all that is around me.

My daughter and my late husband 
last summer.




NOW I am cooking for one and cleaning up after only myself and well, learning how to be just "one". Before when I worried about that day of beginning to be "one", I thought I would never be up to the task. And then on the day it all began, a voice from somewhere told me that I could do it and what is the most amazing thing of all, I believed that voice. I knew not only I could do it, I had to. I had to for myself and for my amazing family. 

Grandchildren called and grieved with me, children that were heart broken were consoled and hugged. And each one of them were giving me what I needed because I did rely on them. Even friends wanted to talk with me and to take it all in. 

This is the thing that made it possible for me to begin again...I truly felt needed. The strength that I found came when those I loved and cared about turned to me. They didn't realize it but they were getting me through. They may never know at least not for a very long time.

Now the question I ask myself is "When will it hit me? Or will it ever?" I don't know. but for now I am still grateful for the gift of love and acceptance I am experiencing. I will just let the future take care of the rest.

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Tuesday, March 1, 2022

Could You Be an Ad Man?

 I was reading a Malcolm Gladwell column the other day. As you probably already know, Gladwell is the author of books such as The Tipping Point, Outlier and Talking to Strangers as well as a writer for The New Yorker since 1996. I am a fan...what can I say...I just think the guy has something worthwhile to say.

So, anyway, the question was "Can you say what you need to say in 60 seconds or less" and still tell the whole story. Gladwell podcasts are long and deep. He needs every second to tell you or convince you that what he is saying might be important. An advertising person can tell their story in 60 or less.

I have written posts that I actually went through eliminated all the unnecessary words. When I was done you could still understand the story. Most of those words just didn't make the story any better.

I like the idea a lot but...the real question might be "why do we write?". I for one am not a best selling author and do not need to satisfy a publisher or an audience. Writing is a personal expression of who I am or what I NEED to say. Sometimes even unnecessary are important to me.

So, how about you? Could you be an Ad Ma and say everything you need to say in 60 or less seconds. Would that satisfy you?

I would like to know.

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