Saturday, March 26, 2011

Don't Act OLD! The Cliff Clavin Syndrome

You take your average whale's intestines and stretch them out.....
You're looking at three miles and change. 
Cliff Clavin, Season I
Goldfish or Carp???
It is said that the quickest way to act old is to be the office expert on everything...the archivist they call it.  I call it the "Cliff Clavin Syndrome".  I might be a little bit like Cliff...not that I am proud of it!  Here is what has happened this week.

I know nothing about gold fish (or whales)...I just want you to know that from the beginning.  Yet I am willing to tell you things about gold fish that will amaze you.  For example, did you know that a gold fish will grow to only big enough to survive in the container it is place in?  Small containers hold small goldfish, big ponds hold very big goldfish. Did you know that?  I have said it a lot of times in spite of the fact that I have never actually seen one piece of information to tell me that the statement is true.

We were out an a fish fry with friends last night and one friend began talking about carp.  She thought the cheap fish might be carp.  So I had to tell her that  I think carp are just big goldfish...I don't know that for sure but that never stopped me from stating it as a fact before.  I cannot believe the "goldfish information" came out of my mouth. Did you know that carp are just big goldfish? I said.  Did I say that? I had the impulse to look under the chair to see if someone was using me as a dummy and had their hand inside my head!  I don't know anything about carp as they relate to goldfish!

I was stopped cold in my tracks when my friend sitting next to me said...You mean like humans??? 

I could visualize a human living in a golf fish bowl...Humans??? Humans grow to the size to fit their container? I responded.  I could see very thin people living in the tiny houses I read about a while back.

Well, she said, not the container but humans will grow into their clothes.  I have read that!

I did-not-know-that...that is really interesting! I was impressed.

Now here is the thing...I, as the official Cliff Clavin of the retired set, have added a new piece of information to my file.  I know about humans and big clothes.  Beware of what I know.  And, just because I think I need to say this...humans, unlike goldfish, can shrink back down to their original size so they will fit in the original "container".   That, I am thinking, is a very good thing.  That is good information too.

I also learned yesterday that WD40 is made of fish oil AND can be sprayed on aching joints for relief.  Can that be right???  I sprained my ankle on the golf course last Tuesday (it is much better thank you) so I have received a whole boatload of intelligence from neighbors and friends.  My friend that gave me the WD40 info is a retired military man.  The doctor across the street said just go get an xray.  Everyone else asked if it was broken...just for your information, I have no idea.  It is getting better and does not hurt and my husband pulled on my toes and my ankle and I did not pass out so I guess it must not be broken.  But an xray?  I guess not this time!  Oh, I will not be spraying WD40 on my ankle anytime does not sound like a very good idea.

I hope your week end is going well.  I am trying not to act old so I will not be passing on any brilliant pieces of misinformation today.  Tomorrow morning I am going out for brunch with friends...who know what tomorrow will bring.

 PS.  The whales intestines are actually about 660 ft long not the whopping 15,840 ft. Cliff claimed!

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