Wednesday, February 6, 2013

How Important is Your Hobby?

Many a golf widow will tell you that her husband loves golfing more than he does the family dog or even the wife herself. It is a given. Honestly I know because my husband loves to golf. It took some getting used to.

The Family Dog
Photograph (a favorite hobby) by b+
So the question is "Should a couple curb their enthusiasm for a hobby that takes them away from one another a great deal of the time?" If you have ever gotten that feeling of obsession for a new interest, you know what I am talking about. Reining yourself in can be very difficult. I for one find myself looking at the person talking to me, nodding my head but thinking about something else. In my experience, that person will catch on to what you are doing sooner or later.

I am always thinking that I should rein it in when I find a new interest. But the reality is I don't. I have spent a lot of time on multimedia art, poetry, writing fiction and learning to golf. I am a reader that does not hear a thing when I am engrossed in a book. Each one of these took up physical time during the day but also kept my mind at work even when I was talking to another person. Is that bad?

There are different ways of looking at it.  Hobbies are very important to me in so many ways. They fullfill a creative need and I don't think I would be very interesting if I were not busy mentally. I might even be dull if I reined in it too much. In the end, being creative is important for my mind and emotional well being. I just need to fit other people into the cracks. I am getting better at it.

My husband and I share a huge part of our life. But, as a matter of necessity, we also have very different interests. We are happy with the way we live together. We are very lucky. We don't moan...any more. I guess we just grew up and learned to play/live together in a way that satisfies us both. That is a good thing.

 Just a thought!


Note: Other posts about hobbies!
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  1. Hello, Barb -- My gripe with the husband's golf addiction is the cost.

    But my hobby of rug hooking is not cheap either. Years ago this was a use-up what you have hobby but now you find wool clothes to overdye or buy pricey new yardage.

    We will both need to take up new hobbies that are entertaining but low cost.

  2. The balance between "me" time and "our" time is one of the keys to a satisfying retirement. As you note, and I can agree, a couple that doesn't work this out is headed to a a rough time together.

    We all need our own time to pursue hobbies and things that are important to us.

  3. Here in Arizona, I had activities I'd planned to do at the resort. My husband Art joined me in all but one of them - exercise and two discussion groups. Only handbells was mine alone.

    So I did a little research and found out the Tucson food bank needed some help. Art likes doing that at home, so now he's gone on Thursdays from 6 a.m. until after lunch. Gives me the whole morning all by myself.

    There's a difference between companionable silence (two people reading) and solitude (one person gone).

  4. Denise,

    Yes, I will agree, golfing is expensive. But with Golf Now and Easy Links or websites of like kind, you can find some pretty good deals. My husband saves so he can golf in the winter almost as much as he wants.

    I hope you checked out the website I gave after my signature. It has some very good ideas. I read one time that "dumpster diving" is a good hobby. :)


  5. Bob,

    You are so right...taking satisfaction in spending time together is part of life. We problem solve, talk about the new and vet our opinions (a very good thing!).

    The balance is important and does take some conscious effort and a even a discussion(?) or two. This stage in a married couple's life is very like being newly weds...again. However, we will probably live a very long time so it is important to work it out no matter how long it takes. As you may have guessed, it took us a very long time!


  6. Linda,

    I love both the companionable silence and the solitude. I have even told my husband to go away occasionally just so I can be alone. I wouldn't even want to guess how he feels about it. He just seems to be happy most of the time. I do love this man.

    I also have good friends here in Tucson that I enjoy spending time with away from my husband. The benefit from all of this that, when we are together, we have more to talk about.

    Have a wonderful Tucson day.



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