Friday, February 28, 2020

OFF MY CHEST: Retire In Style has New Owners...and I am not happy!

You may well know that I lost my domaine just before last Christmas. Now I see that a new blog has popped up with the name Retire in Style (blog). I have time today so I went over to see what they are all about...and I am not happy! I suppose I need to get over taking ownership in the blogs name and reputation.

Of course the main theme is financial which stands to reason. Retirement is all about how we are going to live on the money we make. Being responsible financially can make a whole lot of difference. That is fine. 

But then I see that, in an effort to appear less financial and more like a real person, the author is writing about "authoritative" parenting and school success. The gist of the whole thing is that parents that have rules and enforce them, are more likely to have successful is much like being an "authoritarian" just nicer.

Sounds great and wonderful doesn't it? But here is the thing, children doing thing our way just because "we say so" only goes so far. Remember, I am an educator. There is a lot more to parenting and teaching than always being right!

Jim Fay and Charles Faye wrote a book called Teaching with Love & Logic: Taking Control of the Classroom back in 2000-ish. The latest version was published in 2016. Parents latched onto this book and it did make a difference in how children were raised. This author touted the idea that children react differently when what they do has a logical consequence. For example, if a child writes on the bathroom wall, they will spend a lot of time washing it off with hand soap (what is available). But it has to be done and the person that did it needs to take responsibility. (Amazon has a whole section on raising children that might be worth checking out.) 

However, if you ask a child why they did something, often they will not know. What they do sometimes just happens in a sequence of events that they cannot explain. Grounding them for a week may not be the best answer. The why can work both ways. Listening is the key and always will be.

This and many other strategies used by both parents and teachers is a far cry from the "do it because I said so" parenting style. Authoritative parenting is kinder than "authoritarian" but does not have the depth of understanding or even compassion required from either the parent or the teacher...better grades or not. 

So let me say, I for one will not be taking advice from a "Retirement Financial Advisor" on how to raise children. 

What do you think?


ps: I might add that when I was a Grandmother care giver I was very authoritative. My grandchildren still have not forgiven me for that. Darn!


  1. I'm confused why a blog about retirement would be discussing how to raise kids, except that now days far too many grandparents are in fact raising kids. I'm old enough that my parents were indeed because I said so....I think I turned out pretty good. Did I raise my daughter that way........not so much, though there were times I said because I said so. Life, nothing is 100% and no 2 people are the same, not as a child or an adult.

    1. Yes it is but I wrote about what crossed my mind since 2006. So there is that!

  2. One of my great fears is having built a certain reputation and public image of my blog over 10 years and having the name either hacked or forgetting to renew the domain name so someone else can grab it. I'm afraid the general public doesn't quickly realize that what "your" blog has become has nothing to do with you.

    As you well know, if that happens there are two choices: give up blogging or start with a name that still fits your direction. I'm glad you chose the latter!

  3. I really do not see a problem with authoritative parenting. And, some situations call for an immediate response from a child with no questions. Well, I could go, but I won't.


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