Thursday, August 14, 2014

Off My Chest: On Jealousy and Keeping Score

I would like to say that getting older gives one the grace to avoid keeping score in life. You would think that our minds would explode with all that tallying and counting and feeling neglected or hurt or smug. But never really goes away for many people. I try very hard to avoid going down that path.

On taking paths, I need to have you look at a blog post I read this morning written by a mother that is sending her child off to college. Beginning a new life usually requires some help from someone you love and this mother had some of the best advice I have ever seen...we could all use it no matter our age. A new beginning needs a new attitude and some gumptious courage. In The 12 Things Fangette Needs for College inspired me to rethink the qualities I need to embrace in my life that is continually changing.

During my retirement life I have moved several times and entered into new communities of people both here in Portland and in Tucson, AZ. The life in our Arizona RV resort has been compared to a college campus like place because even though we all have other lives, we come together each year in a new beginning of sorts.

In her article Jacqueline Tierney DeMuro talked about fearlessness, courage, selfishness (in a good way), humor, common sense and a moral compass. The dialogue she included after each headers is beautiful. The one I like the most was "Put on you big girl pants!" She said, "Put them on every day and go out into the world and behave like an adult." That is where the keeping score come into play.

See, even grown up retired wise older people can to hold onto a piece of their child like behavior. They go out into the world every day and expect the world to treat them as though they are very special. While they are grumbling and complaining to their children or on the golf course, they forget that what they say or how they behave sends ripples out into the water of life. But that is not all. They are unhappy with what is happening to them AND they are jealous if someone else is not unhappy. What they do not only alters the course they are taking but it also affects everyone around them. Behaving like an adult is very hard even as we get older.

Her advice regarding selfishness seems to follow. "keep in mind that your time and your energies will be important.... Keep your guard up for people who will look to squander those things." We all know that the people that don't own a pair of big girl pants (let alone 2 pairs like DeMuro recommends) will suck the life out of those that are willing to pour effort into their deep hole of need. I had this happen in my new life in Arizona. There was not enough time or even money to fill the pit I found in that person's life.

Don't take my word for it. Read this article, send it to a college bound student or even someone just retired starting a new life. It is amazing how similar those two stages in life are.

Thank you Jacqueline Tierney DeMuro for a great blog post.

Be well and have a great day.



  1. Your blog reminded me of a favorite Buddha-life saying: It was not up to Buddha to pass judgment on his erring nephew; life itself would do that.

    The Buddha sure had a great set of "big girl pants."

    enjoyed your post.

    1. I imagine that he did...he was and is a teacher beyond belief.

  2. Excellent and compassionate post, with which I identify closely --4 kids through college-- and it was admittedly tough. Retirement too, but we made it. I wish I'd known about the magical properties of big girl pants earlier or I would have--- oh, that was a metaphor, right?


Leave your thoughts...I am interested.

Featured Post

It's All Good...I Think

You loose...sorry! life is not perfect! What is a person going to do. When my husband passed away I went straight to anger and that ...