Tuesday, March 23, 2021

What will that look like?

Many, many times I have written about growing old with a positive attitude. I am beginning to wonder if I truly understood what that looked like in real life.

I turned 79 on my last birthday but this is not really about me. Those people around me are a little older and a little younger in their age. But this is not about that either.

I have often talked about a study group in San Diego that focused on cohorts...age mates I suppose. They were all women. But more importantly, they were not well at all. But in spite of aches and pains, these women remained positive. I thought, great, at least we will not be grumpy or angry. That is good I think.

My friends was celebrating 100 years of
Life at a party. She played 18 holes of
Golf with lady’s club.
They have special rules for her.

But what I did not realize is that as people grow older they miss what they cannot do anymore. Finding a replacement for a lifelong love of reading or golfing or even mowing the lawn is not easy. Each person misses something just a little different. What I would miss more than anything is being a snowbird...I love my life today. It is perfect for both my husband and me. There would be an empty space left in life.

I was at a gathering for my friend Franny last Wednesday. (She was being given a 100th birthday party.) I sat with a group of seemingly well, happy and satisfied women...my age I suppose but some were younger. Their age was not so much important as their health. I am talking about health issues that cannot be fixed. 

After the obligatory “organ recital” were everyone shares their aches and pains, the conversation moved to things everyone loves to do and a could not do anymore.It was very interesting how they were all struggling for that next passion to replace what was gone.

I think we should start a handicapped golf league so we could still play a little golf and have a happy hour afterwards.

I love playing cards and it fills most of my social time.

The thing I really want is to spend time here at the golf course with other women...I love the social part of golf almost more than golfing!


Visit to a local resort in Tucson.

Of course there are ways to all of those things. A game at putting, cards in the club house and even a scheduled happy hour. Most holes can be filled I suppose. 

That was when I began to wonder about that fourth stage in life. That one where life goes on in spite of it all. That part where disability sets in. Now I am talking about myself. What will I want to do?

One ladies husband is turning 90 soon and she said that he didn’t want to eat anything that was good for him...it sounded so wonderful to him. 

Carole and I always said that when we reached that stage we were going to do all those things that were absolutely forbidden...in her case she is going to take up smoking again. I might have wine for breakfast if that sounds good or eat butter. 

The truth is that making ourself miserable with overdoing our forbidden doesn’t sound like as much fun as it did at one time.

Do you suppose that a day will come when there is an acceptance of the fourth stage or will it be thrust upon us? Will it be on a Friday or a Tuesday? Will in be in the spring  or the summer? Then will we all stop fighting what is happening to find some peace? I don’t know but I do know that my husbands’ s life has never been about sitting still physically or mentally. I am right there with him. I am hoping that being mentally active will be enough to keep us both happy.

Do you have any thoughts?

Have a wonderful day.


Oh, and as for Franny...she loved her party. She played 18 holes of golf and she beats everyone every time. They are rethinking letting her hit the ball closer on one par three...that is her special rule! She is an amazing women and we all want to be like her when we grow up!


1 comment:

  1. Love your blog. I've had the honor of golfing with Fran several times. What a joy! We're on number 18 of RH. Enjoy seeing your beautiful flowers when I'm putting on number 5.


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