|Our 61 wedding |
anniversary in November.
I have a picture of my family by my desk here in Arizona. I love it. My grandchildren were only beginning to be. It was our 50th wedding anniversary. My grandchildren still talk about that wonderful weekend.
Time passes so quickly and our lives have changed as is only right.
We have gained so much during the last 11+ year. New spouses for our grown grandchildren, new grandchildren and now even great-grandchildren. College degrees have been earned. I am proud and gratitude doesn't even come close to explaining how fortunate we all are.
Oh, we struggle to get it right...don't think everything is perfect. It isn't and yet, even on the worst of days, I felt grateful.
My husband passed away just before last Christmas. He had been ill a very short time so none of us had a change to brace ourselves for the shock. And yet, on that day we celebrated his life...yes, we were wounded...but still grateful. He was such a lovely man and we all loved him so much. As for me, my heart broke but strength came from all that is around me.
|My daughter and my late husband |
NOW I am cooking for one and cleaning up after only myself and well, learning how to be just "one". Before when I worried about that day of beginning to be "one", I thought I would never be up to the task. And then on the day it all began, a voice from somewhere told me that I could do it and what is the most amazing thing of all, I believed that voice. I knew not only I could do it, I had to. I had to for myself and for my amazing family.
Grandchildren called and grieved with me, children that were heart broken were consoled and hugged. And each one of them were giving me what I needed because I did rely on them. Even friends wanted to talk with me and to take it all in.
This is the thing that made it possible for me to begin again...I truly felt needed. The strength that I found came when those I loved and cared about turned to me. They didn't realize it but they were getting me through. They may never know at least not for a very long time.
Now the question I ask myself is "When will it hit me? Or will it ever?" I don't know. but for now I am still grateful for the gift of love and acceptance I am experiencing. I will just let the future take care of the rest.